Simplification for Serenity

Before my illness made its dramatic entry into my life, I was a relatively organized, active, and tidy person.  I had a good paying job and was able to purchase most things I wanted.  I had excellent credit, though I rarely kept a balance other than on my car and home.  I lived a fairly complex life, and I was able to use basic tools to handle things pretty well.  I filed, paid my bills on time, and did other things.  Much of this began to deteriorate as I took care of my mother with dementia.  Eventually, after mom was out of the home, the pressure valve on my stress blew and I went into mania, mixed states, and depression.  My now eroded skills all but fell apart.  Now I am working to rebuild skills to cope again.

Once I became dysfunctional, I slept on the couch in the living room, used the guest bathroom, the kitchen, and my computer room. It was like living in a one bedroom apartment.  I realized I needed to downsize.  The housing crunch had just hit, and the value of my home was gone. Plus, I had become messy due to my illness.  Between trying new medicines and just surviving, I sometimes was too out of it to remember to take my dogs out.  It was not pleasant at all.  I would have good times where I would make progress cleaning, but these were always short.  The situation only fed my illness. I let some people live with me for a time, and that helped for a while, too, but ultimately that turned into a situation that wasn't the best.  Things just got worse and worse.  

Eventually, relatives came to get me to live with them.  I lost the home, my car, sold most of my useless stuff, and lost much of myself.  I was and am very grateful for my family and their sacrifices, but living with them was not a good solution.  I stayed too long for it to be healthy for any of us.  I found a job thanks to their support, encouragement, and prodding.  I have now moved into a studio, an old hotel room.  It leaves much to be desired, but in many ways it is far healthier for me.  I can be myself, rest as I need, or do what I choose to without inconveniencing anyone, and not feel I have to take part in something I know is not going to be healthy for me.  In short, living on my own has made my life much simpler and serene.

I have way too much stuff crammed into my apartment, so the messy bug followed me, but I can at least make strides on that at my own pace.  I have more stuff, but that is all it is, really, stuff, that I rarely used, likely will not use, or was holding for my family, stored elsewhere.  I cannot drag things around for my family any more.  If they want something, it is up to them to take possession.  The rest needs to be given away, recycled, or trashed in some fashion.  I do not need the burden of dust collecting stuff junking up my peace and health.  

I decided that instead of hanging things on the wall, if I want to decorate, my best option is to paint something on the wall or use appliques.  This reduces the effort of having to take things down, dust them, wash glass, polish wood, and many other cleaning chores.  Why make more work for myself when I have little energy?  Why worry about what others think?  If they do not approve, they need not visit.  That simplifies life, too, because I no longer am worrying about those all-important appearances which can consume people's lives.  

In the kitchen, I tried to reduce the number of pots and pans I keep.  I like cooking, so I probably still have more than other people, and that is fine.  I got rid of my sets of dishes and silverware, and bought a mismatched collection of items for myself.  If I want, I can change it up and make it fun.  These things are cheap at garage sales and thrift stores!  For times when I have company, I have plastic and paper.  I also use these when I am in a funk.  Part of me does not like to do this because I hate all the waste we create, but since it helps me to be healthier, I do it.  

My vehicle was downsized for me.  This was a good thing.  Why do I need a fancy vehicle I have to wash, spend tons of money on insurance, high car payments, and other maintenance when I can have a perfectly good older car that runs efficiently, has lower cost insurance, no payments, and no more costs for maintenance than the new vehicle?  Pride?  A vehicle is a tool.  It needs to be maintained well.  I need to have a tool to suit my needs.  A simple vehicle can do that.  Sure, I'd like something more than that because of things I'd like to do, but, currently, the reality is I can do neither, so why worry about it?  I will be able to do so again someday if I live more wisely.

I try to think of ways to simplify often.  This thinking is beneficial in its own right.  I am not consumed by it, but I have learned that living simply leaves me with far more contentment and joy than trying to keep up with society's emphasis on materialism.  Why do I need all of those complications?  I am talented and do things quicker with my hands and a simple tool than I can with these fancy gadgets that are coming out all the time.  Why do I want the hassle of having a fancy smart phone where I can be tracked, bothered, and distracted all at the same time?  I do not.  I like thinks simpler now.  Unless something has a good purpose for me, I do not want it complicating my life!