"Do you believe in being able to switch off certain feelings/emotions?"
This question was asked in one of the online support groups I joined by someone I will call Dave. This is a very good question, and the discussion on the thread was lively and interesting. So, what do I think? My reply follows:
Emotions are often choices, though brain chemistry can indeed play a huge factor. When anger is an immediate response to some stimulus, we can either choose to stay angry or decide to replace the anger with a more positive emotion, remove ourselves from the stimulus, or take control of the situation if possible. This may not be what you mean, but emotions are something we can learn to have far more control over than we might believe!
Why do I feel this way? My attitude is the result of therapy, attending support groups, participating in a coping skills' class, experience, and research. Long ago, I decided anger was simply too destructive to allow it to take over my life for more than a moment at a time, so I learned to cope with it by laughing at the ridiculousness of the stimulus, removing myself from the situation, or intense exercise. In coping skill's class, led by therapists, we talked about the basics of how emotions work, in particular anger, and how we can choose to gain more control over the emotions. The goal is not to become free of emotions, negative or positive. Emotions are important, even the negative ones. Keeping negative emotions for a prolonged period when they do not serve a purpose is destructive, however, and is perhaps most destructive to the person holding the anger.
Anger, fear, anxiety, panic, and, believe it or not, love share many of the same brain pathways, physical and chemical, based on what I learned. Some of the responses apparently originate in the "simple brain", also known as the brain stem. The responses to a stimulus can be viewed as a "freeze, flight, or fight" response. In a sense, this is instinct. Animals respond in much the same way, and many have a similar brain stem. For example, the first time you encounter a dog, the dog might be very nervous around you, and so growl, bark, shake, or even run away. The dog might always respond this way if it views you as a threat for some reason, or it might learn to accept you quickly or gradually. Does the dog remain scared of you when you are not there? I do not think so, but I really do not know. So, if something happens to make a person angry, like the dog, the person can either learn to grow more comfortable in the situation, leave the situation, or, if warranted, maintain a defensive response each time the situation is encountered. Is it healthy to dwell on the situation when it is not present? Probably not. Is it a good idea to develop options for that type of situation if it occurs again? Probably. What is the difference between dwelling and preparing? If you had a bad experience with a dog when you were young, you might be afraid of all dogs now. With time, this fear can be overcome, though this is not easy. Fear of dogs can also be learned, or "inherited," from parents or friends who have phobias. I wonder if there is terminology for phobias based on experience versus phobias that are simply "there."
At one time in my life, I functioned like a high performance robot outwardly. I had turned off my emotions either voluntarily or involuntarily. I was numb, Physical pain was "enjoyable" because I at least felt something, but I did not intentionally hurt myself. When I was working, at school, or doing things with my friend, I seemed to be doing very well in the eyes of others. On one hand, I out-performed just about everyone, while on the other hand I had a very hard time maintaining relationships, making friends, or feeling happy. Though I smiled and laughed, I cannot say I was happy. I was merely responding. I was suicidal if I was not busy or asleep. My list of activities was long, so I stayed busy and had little time to be a danger to myself. I did not realize it at the time, but my activities were my coping skill. Now, I know I was in a mixed state. Today, I understand the difference between happiness, contentment, sadness/the blues, mania, hypo-mania, and depression.
Learning to understand myself as well as I do took a great deal of effort and time. I will always have much to learn, and I know that. Every day I try to take a look at my feelings, and, if possible, understand why they are the way they are. Sometimes I can put my finger on some incident that resulted in the feelings, and other times I cannot. When I cannot, I know enough about how I respond to my medications to have some understanding of problems with my neurochemistry. I then try hard to do what is necessary to restore balance, whether it is spending more time in the sun, sleeping more or less, exercising, monitoring my medications more closely, paying more attention to my diet, or talking to my doctor or therapist if the issues persist. I have learned to do my best to be in control to the extent possible. As I will often say, "sometimes my best is very good, and sometimes my best is horrible. Still, I can only do my best and try to do better in the future."
